COUGAR
Girlfriend let me tell you about being a cougar. It’s not easy trying to find a date. Most of us have moved away from our comfort
zones of our neighborhood friends and school classmates of which we know the
approximate age. Today, if we look at an
individual, then ask their age, we will see that the face and the body do not
fit the age. Girlfriend, let me tell you, I am 67 years old and proud of it.
For a cougar, I am not bad to look at. However, I am truly surprised at the
ages of individuals I meet and can’t believe how chronologically young they
are. Girlfriend, let me tell you, my last husband was nine years younger than
me. It didn't bother him, and it didn't bother me. I am looking for companionship of someone
between 60 and 70 years of age. Girlfriend, let me tell you, that’s not all.
Cougars are pretty demanding. There is a three part test he must pass in all
three categories. Test #1: He must be easy to look at, to the point that I
don’t have to place a paper bag over his head; for example, the prostitute did
in “Cotton Comes to Harlem.” Test #2: He
must be able to carry on a decent conversation other than about some kind of
sport. Test #3: He must be good in bed. Girlfriend, let me tell you, failure to
pass in any one of these categories is failure of passing the test. Now, there
are certain requirements he must also possess. He must not smoke. Now, that I
have quit smoking, I don’t want the smell in my house, my hair, or my clothes.
He must not expect me to cook. I spent 20 years in the military, and someone
cooked in the mess hall for me. Plus, I like eating in nice restaurants and not
fast food joints. I love traveling; especially cruising, and I can ride for
days in a car if you don’t scare the wit out of me. I don’t drive distance anymore
because of my eyes, but back in the day, I had 375,000 miles on my ‘76 Mustang
before I got rid of it after 11 years.
He must not be tight with his money. If I have to ask him for anything,
I don’t need him, and he better not ask me what something cost. If I want it, I
don’t care how much it cost. He must
pick up behind himself, unless he will hire a maid because no maid lives here.
He must follow my instructions on how he should dress. Athletic shoes belong in
the gym, ball field or picnic. Girlfriend, let me tell you, I don’t want you to
think I am so picky, but after all, I had two husbands, therefore; I have to go
back to the very beginning. I am “very picky.” Now, I don’t want all of you to
start sending applications for your fathers, brothers, uncles or male cousins
all at one time. I personally will
screen each application. Girlfriend, once I have accepted a man, you are out of
the picture, except for my birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day Gifts.
